Five Minutes Of
by an awesome blossom
Summary: A collection of five minute drabbles with Link, Zelda, Ilia, Linebeck, Cremia, Jolene, and Beth among other characters. ADDITION: Link & Purlo, Link & Ilia, Ilia & Zelda
1. Glass: Link & Cremia

**FIVE MINUTES OF (dr.) GLASS (planting fake plastic trees)  
**by an awesome blossom  
_The infamous hug scene between Link and Cremia._

I played an AIM game with a couple of friends where we gave ourselves a prompt word and then five minutes to write out a drabble. "Five Minutes Of" is the collection of my results. Written while "Dr. Glass" by Instant Camera and "Fake Plastic Trees" by Radiohead played, which contributed to the title and feel of the drabble. _The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask_ is property of Nintendo and co._  
_

* * *

Her arms wrapped around him with such force that he wasn't quite sure what had just happened. And suddenly there they were! Great mounds of flesh in his face! And she stroked his back, thanking him for everything.

Link wasn't quite sure what was going on, but he felt sorry for Cremia, having to endure the pain of her loved one taken from her by another...something so sacred as marriage, she had no chance! He wrapped his boyish arms around her, and tilted his head so that his ear lay against her bosom (instead of face-smashed).

"Everything will be okay."

"No, it won't," she replied. "Even if they call their marriage off, the moon will still fall upon them, won't it?"

He didn't know what to say that she would believe, so he rattled away meaningless things to strengthen her house of glass from rocks and the impending crash of the moon.

She kissed him on the forehead and told him he would one day grow into a fine young man.

He knew he wouldn't but kept telling her she was beautiful all the same.


	2. Sacrifice: Beth & Sera

**FIVE MINUTES OF SACRIFICE**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Beth becomes a woman._

_The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

Beth sat on the bathroom floor, arms crossed and pouting furiously.

"Beth, please just come out!" Sera pleaded outside the locked bathroom door, "It's really not a big deal. Think of it this way, you're a woman now! Isn't that exciting?"

"NO!" she shouted, "I'm not coming out until you fix this!"

Sera sighed. "Honey, this isn't something to 'fix'. It's just a natural part of becoming a woman. All women go through this until they're old and grey. Really, it's just your body sacrificing the little egg and your uterus lining inside you, and then your body can make a new egg...so you can have a baby when the time is right. Isn't that exciting?"

"No! And I'm not going to have kids, so you can just tell my body to stop it!"

"Beth, please...you can't help this. It will be easier if you just accept it."

There were a few moments of silence until Beth finally unlocked and opened the bathroom door. "Fine," she gritted in her teeth.

"Now good," Sera said as she hugged her daughter. "You may be a woman now...but you'll always be my little girl."

Beth just sighed and pressed against her mother, wishing she could go back in.


	3. Whore: Link & Beth

**FIVE MINUTES OF (darling) WHORES  
**by an awesome blossom  
_Link tells Beth to go home._

Written to the Vera Violets' "Darling". _The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_ is property of Nintendo and co.**  
**

* * *

Sitting on a bench with his head in hands in a back alley somewhere, he saw her vibrant shoes stop at his feet - however he smelled her from farther than that. It was the stench of a common whore trying to cover up the ever-present loneliness in her life, and Link inwardly groaned as he instinctively knew whose shoes those were. 

"Does your mother know you're here?" he asked as he lifted his head to lay eyes on Beth, dolled up with painted nails and lips.

Beth shrugged. "Does it matter? She's got her business with Malo to worry about. She's not thinking about me."

Link simply sighed as he stood up. "Go home. It's late, and you never know what kind of creeps are out at this hour."

"I know," Beth answered, and she stood her ground.


	4. Panties: Zelda & Ruto

**FIVE MINUTES OF PANTIES**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Nothing is ever 'just a kiss'_

_The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

"Don't get your panties in a twist," Ruto sighed dramatically, thinking perhaps that she was original. "It was only a kiss."

"Nothing is ever JUST a kiss," Zelda spat back, her cheeks and ears tinged with the same shade of red as her lipstick.

This particular color-coordination did not go unnoticed by Ruto as she smiled rather hintingly.

"And strike that Cheshire grin from your face!"

"Can't order me around, Princess," Ruto replied almost lazily as she threw herself backwards onto Zelda's bed. "We are but the same rank."

Immediately Zelda was beginning to feel that inviting Ruto in to see the latest fashion from Calatia was a bad idea.

"Besides, what else was I supposed to think? You invited me into your room, after all."

The Hylian Princess sighed, "Well normal people do that as a sign of trust and friendship."

The 'Cheshire grin' continued. "Ah, but Princess, you forget. We are anything but normal."


	5. Departure: Cremia & Romani

**FIVE MINUTES OF DEPARTURE**  
by an awesome blossom  
_'Romani is looking for something Romani can't find.'_

_The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

"Where did you go?" she asked as she checked under the bush. "Are you here?"

"Romani! What on earth are you doing?" Cremia sighed in exasperation as she followed her kid sister around the ranch.

"Nope, not here!" Romani concluded and instead turned her attention toward the large wooden crate outside the barn. "Maybe you're in there!"

Cremia made an obviously frustrated noise. "What are you doing?"

Romani ran over to the crate and checked inside. Disheartened, she closed the lid and sat upon it, the dog running circles at her feet.

"Romani, what are you looking for? Maybe I can help you find it," Cremia offered as she took a seat on the corner of the crate.

Looking up to the sky, she answered, "Romani is looking for something Romani can't find."

"Well if you know you can't find it," Cremia countered, "why are you looking for it?"

"Because Romani can't find it."

Sighing, Cremia wrapped her arm around her kid sister's shoulders. "What is this thing you're looking for that you can't find?"

"Something green."

"Something green?"

"Something green."

Again, Cremia sighed. "Well, there are lots of green things. The grass, leaves..."

"A grasshopper."

Cremia said nothing but furrowed her brows in confusion.

"I think the moon ate him."


	6. Dance: Zelda & Ilia

**FIVE MINUTES OF DANCING**  
by an awesome blossom  
_She can't, and neither can she._

_The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

They tucked themselves into a faraway corner of the ballroom amidst the gaiety and smalltalk yet in their own private bubble, arguing quietly. 

"I can't dance with you," Zelda murmured softly as she put her gloved hand to her face, not wanting others to hear her pained words or see her frustrated expression. "I...I'm the Princess of Hyrule. Practically the Queen. I can't dance with you."

Ilia sighed and fanned out her best party dress which had been her mothers so many years before. "It's okay. I just thought it would be nice."

The Princess reached out her hand as if to touch the side of Ilia's face, but then thought better of it and brought her arm down forcefully to her side.

"So I guess you'll be dancing the rest of the night with all those boring suitors you have and _Link_?"

"Yes," Zelda admitted, "but...the whole time I'll be thinking of you."

Ilia shook her head. "Don't. I can't dance anyway."


	7. The Tower: Link & Zelda

**FIVE MINUTES OF THE (tangled) TOWER**  
by an awesome blossom  
_White towers inverting every so often._

Written to "Tangles" by the Brian Jonestown Massacre. _The Legend of Zelda_ series is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

She calls to him from her ivory tower, and immediately he is there to greet her. "Rapunzel, Rapunzel," he jests, "let down your hair!" And she lets her hair fall from the tight bun she puts it in, though it is not nearly as long as in legend.

He doesn't mind, though, and rushes through the tower to meet her in her casual glory - an unusual sight for the normally formal Princess (and this includes her hair).

They embrace when he comes and make love soon after, and it is only then that the ivory tower inverts and he falls to the ground again.

He calls again. "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!" And in response she only puts it back up. Once more they become the Hylian Princess and Hero that their people know them as, as legendary as Rapunzel and her dashing rescuer in their own right.

They continue on with their roles in destiny in legend, but the Princess of lore continues to wait in her ivory tower for her dashing Hero to stop by once more so he can flip the tower and do it all over again.


	8. The Hanged Man: Link & Skull Kid

**FIVE MINUTES OF THE HANGED MAN**  
by an awesome blossom  
_When the moon falls, Link plays the role of the hanged man._

_The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

Unknown to most, the clock at the center of the town is an altar. Having had three eternal days to research the land's tumultuous history, he is one of the few who know this.

It is on the stroke of midnight when he ascends to the clock, cracking open like a baby cucco hatching. He's met the mischievous imp here many times before, but to the imp it's the first time. All the other times were regrettable failures, leading the land into chaos and destruction only for time to start all over again. But this time around he has the mysterious masks from all cardinal points. He knows he won't fail this time.

The imp calls upon the moon to swallow him whole, and he goes with grace, eagerness even, to the core of impending doom. He knows that he won't come out, but he's invested too much of his soul into this foreign land to let destruction befall it.

He knows he's going to die, but for the sake of people who will never even know his name, he carries on.


	9. Melody: Link & Ilia

**FIVE MINUTES OF MELODIES**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Link has a band._

NyQuil and illness. _The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

"BZZRRRRBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTT ZZZBBBBTTTTTT!!!! ZUUUBBBRBBRBPPPTHHHHHHH"

"Link, what the fuck are you doing."

He looked at his comb and piece of toilet paper and frowned at Ilia. "I'm practicing. It's for my band."

"What, no. You don't have a band."

"I do, too :(" Link replied:( included which came out something like 'colon-begin-parenthesis'. "It's with Fado and the goats."

Ilia arched her brow. "Then how come I've never heard anything of this band you two have?"

"Well, we're pretty new."

"Oh," Ilia murmured, considering this as Link went back to work bzzrrrbttting and zzzbbbttbtbtrrring on his comb-toilet-paper contraption. "When did you guys start a band anyway?"

"Five minutes ago."

"Colon-begin-parenthesis."


	10. The Wheel of Fortune: Link & Great Fairy

**FIVE MINUTES OF THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Link meets the Great Fairy._

NyQuil and illness. _The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

So yeah, playing those six notes which went something like da da da da da da was a big mistake, Link thought as a transvestite rubber fairy SHOT from the fountain he played the Lullaby in front of. She lounged on thin air, exposing her radiant skin thinly veiled by vines draped haphazardly across her body.

Yeah, big mistake.

"Can I help you?"

"Plzno."

"Oh I'm sorry, honey, I didn't quite hear what you said. What was that again?"

Link tried playing Zelda's Lullaby backwards, hoping she would go back in.

"Oh honey, are you trying to serenade me? How sweet! COME TO MY BOSOM." She stretched her arms wide out and leaned forward to capture him in her arms.

"omgno!!!!!!!!!"

Then Link found out he was gay.


	11. Your Mom: Link & Colin

**FIVE MINUTES OF YOUR MOM**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Link has something important to tell Colin._

NyQuil and illness. _The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_ is property of Nintendo and co. All those fanart of young Link coming buckets are property of someone else plzkthx.

* * *

"Colin," Link said gently as the two went fishing by the dock, "sit down beside me. There's something I have to tell you."

Like a good little boy, Colin obeyed.

Link sighed and cast his rod into the water. "Colin...I'm your father."

"What?"

"Listen, I know it's hard to take, but--"

"No, like, that's impossible! You're not THAT much older than me. For you to be my father you would have to have screwed my mom when you were like seven, five, I don't know how old I am. In any case, it's WAY before you hit puberty and were capable of producing sperm anyway."

Link stared at him. "But haven't you seen all the pictures of me as a little kid out there on the Internet? I may be five, but I'm coming buckets of little spermies, each one my possible child!"

"...WHAT?"

"Just because you can't do the same is no reason to feel bad about yourself, though, son."

"...There are naked pictures of you as a child on the web? And you look at them? AND YOU'RE FINE WITH THEM?"

"WELL CAN YOU DO THAT?"

Colin frowned. "I don't feel very comfortable around you anymore. I'm going to play with people who don't look at child porn."

"ok."


	12. Poison: Zelda & Ilia

**FIVE MINUTES OF POISON**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Zelda's people wish her to marry._

Anachronism ho! _The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Ilia asked as she met the Sovereign of Hyrule in the courtyard garden as per request.

"I'm making a tiara," she said simply as she wove together stems, roots, and leaves of weeds in her basket, "out of hemlock."

Frowning, Ilia took a seat beside her. "Socrates killed himself with hemlock, you know."

"Yes, I do."

They were silent for minutes after, and Ilia occupied her senses by looking up to the clouds and seeing if she could discern that strange city in the sky Link spoke about once.

"My people are clamoring for me to marry. Surely you've heard?" Zelda said at last.

Ilia shook her head. "No, I haven't... I don't really pay attention to what the others' say when I'm here."

"Well, they are. And do you know who they want me to marry?"

"Seeing as how I didn't know they wanted you to marry in the first place, I would have to say no, I don't know who they want you to marry."

"Link," Zelda responded simply. "He's the Hero of Hyrule, has saved us all, and is a generous and noble hero. It's only natural that the people want he and their queen to be joined in holy matrimony, correct?"

"I suppose so," Ilia frowned again. "So are you going to marry him?"

"No," the queen responded and continued to weave her hemlock tiara.


	13. Nipples: Zelda & Ilia

**FIVE MINUTES OF NIPPLES**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Zelda recites the tale of creation._

_The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

"And lo the goddesses said," Zelda murmured against soft, pliant skin, "put these nipples of ours here" (this was accented by a gentle squeeze of said nipples) "on these mountains of glory so that they may stand out as a beacon of beauty."

Ilia chuckled and brushed the hair from Zelda's face.

In response, Zelda kissed the girl's ribs and continued, "And let this shallow valley below the mountains remain smooth and flat, they said, so that the grand glory of the mountains are held sacred, though let us not forget where this body of ours gained nutrition."

"And below?" Ilia smirked.

"And lo, in the cavern below the valley..."


	14. Whisper: Makar & Fado

**FIVE MINUTES OF WHISPERING**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Makar likes the sound of Fado's whispering viola noise. _

Request prompt by Paul Nolan. _The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

He tinkles around as he dances to Fado's whispering viola noise that startlingly sounds similar to his mother's lullaby song. "I love you, strange sir!" Makar cries out, overtaken by the powerful love he felt for his mother (the Great Deku Tree who would not appreciate being called a mother).

Link stops conducting and gives the walking leaf a strange look before crushing him beneath his feet.

In heaven, Makar is reunited with the whispering viola noise, and they dance.


	15. Face: Skull Kid

**FIVE MINUTES OF FACE**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Skull Kid gives birth to a new face._

_The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time_ and _Majora's Mask_ are property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

Skull Kid has a face, though he doesn't know it. It's dark and brown but since he doesn't see it he thinks it's not there.

So he asks the boy for a mask. A big one! One that will cover his head and make him believe that he has a face like everyone else. The boy gives it to him, and Skull Kid has a face.

He is happy.

Skull Kid has friends, though he doesn't know it. They dance around in circles and laugh just like him, and he even has that maskboy as a friend.

He also has giants for friends in a strange world just below the cracked hollow log, but nobody can visit them and he can't bring them home. He pretends they don't exist, and then when they go to stop an errant moon, he pretends he doesn't exist.

Instead he pretends he has on a mask much like the one that maskboyfriend gave him so many years ago though it was just nine months time.

That's a Hylian gestation period, he remembers. So he thinks of his last meeting with maskboyfriend, where he gave him a mask, and pretends he's giving birth to a new mask.


	16. Tickle Me Elmo: Ashei, Ilia, & Link

**FIVE MINUTES OF TICKLE-ME ELMO**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Ilia has a facial core of doom._

_The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_ is property of Nintendo, _The Little Mermaid_ is property of Disney, and Tickle-Me Elmo just ain't mine.

* * *

"Okay dude, this is seriously fucking annoying," Ashei cursed tersely as she gripped her purse.

YO _URS_ULA.

Ursula flopped around in the sea, and Ashei was distracted by her massive breasts that were the size of Atlantis.

Shad frowned. "Atlantis doesn't exist."

Ursula was a man.

--"Ilia," Zelda sighed as she wrapped her arms around the girl's neck. "Stop writing fanfiction about your friends."

"Hold on," Ilia murmured, "I have another pairing."--

"Hello there," Link cooed as he slid onto the barstool next to the hot demon in red.

Tickle-Me-Elmo vibrated in response.

--"I'm showing this to Link," Zelda threatened.

Ilia sighed.--

"I'm sorry," Link apologized, "I don't date furry red things."

But Ursula wasn't furry. Or red.

True love ensued.


	17. Drunk: Link & Telma

**FIVE MINUTES OF DRUNK**  
by an awesome blossom  
_And it won't be until tomorrow morning._

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

He flits around the bar, chatting amicably with everyone and forgetting how terribly stressed and out of place he's been feeling since the "journey" ended; it won't be until tomorrow morning when he stretches that he realizes just how heavy that burden really is.

Alcohol affects his lips more than anything, causing them to spill his innermost and embarrassing workings, and it won't be until tomorrow when he wakes up to breasts much smaller than he remembered and realizes how much he keeps inside.

His stares are rather pointed at times to the lovely bartender's breasts, and while she doesn't mind in the slightest (puffing her chest even more for his pleasure), it won't be until tomorrow when he kisses Telma's cheek hello that he realizes how much time he's spent since meeting her trying to not stare.

It's the first time he's ever had alcohol, and he won't realize until tomorrow morning when he leaves the bar that he has to pay for it.


	18. Strung Out: Link & Malon

**FIVE MINUTES OF STRUNG OUT (in heaven)**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Today is Saturday._

_The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time_ is property of Nintendo and co., and I'm pretty sure "strung out in heaven" is part of a song I can't recall.

* * *

He can't remember the last day his mind worked in perfect clarity. Sometime when he was younger, he was sure, when he was living in Kokiri Forest as an innocent kid, devoid of outside knowledge. But he wasn't even sure of that.

Malon doesn't care what he does as long as he does his work and takes care of the animals - and he's got that down to such a routine that he doesn't even have to think. The horses and cows don't seem to mind if he's so completely and utterly wasted, but he knows the Princess Of Them All did. But he doesn't see her anymore.

The only woman he sees nowadays is Malon, and her kisses are the only thing that enable him to distinguish tomorrow from today for they are few and far between. For instance, he could swear she only kissed him on Thursdays if only he could remember when Thursdays were.

He's not a drunkard, though Malon and her father wouldn't care if he was - he and Talon might have a bit more to talk about in that case - but Ingo is oddly the only one who has picked up on all the needles left over from his coming of age meeting with the Princess of Them All Who Was Formerly A Man. At times Link is disturbed that Ingo cares or is even worried, so he tries his best to act soberly because he knows the old man's time is drawing near.

As for himself, he doesn't really care. He lives out his days one at a time because he doesn't know what else to do.

She kissed him today, so he assumes it's a Thursday.


	19. Swallowing Centipedes: Link & Gomess

**FIVE MINUTES OF SWALLOWING (store bought) CENTIPEDES**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Link meets Gomess, miniboss of the Stone Tower Temple._

_The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask_ is property of Nintendo and co. I was listening to a song on Last.fm radio which is where "store bought" and the bit about tobacco smoke comes from, though I didn't write it down and now I just forgot what it was.

* * *

Gomess is not a kind fighter Link thinks as he is captured trapped enraptured snared by a magic string of keese wings shot out from Gomess' left hand. It wraps around Link's wrists, ankles, and fits snugly around his neck though he fears it will tighten irrevokably at any second.

The vampiric boss leans toward the heroic young boy, and at once Link is more than reasonably frightened though it is quite reasonable to be frightened in the first place. Gomess smells a bit like a sickly tobacco smoke, Link notes with disgust though he's not quite sure where he remembers the smell. He tries to struggle escape navigate from the keese wing-string like Houdini, though if Link had known who Houdini was maybe he would have a bit more luck.

Immediately Gomess lurches forward like his stomach and Link feels a sharp biting pain in his neck. He fears it's broken though there has been no violence to this all, but a broken neck is all he can think of because he's still a child you see. When Gomess' sticky fingertips graze Link's lips and nose, it feels all itchy squiggly repulsive like centipedes crawling up his leg during bathtime.

And then he swallows them as a cohesive massive wiggling whole and down down down down down they go into his stomach which lurched even more to rival Gomess at his neck which was not breaking though it might have but he was sure now it had not though sometimes he thought it did.

Gomess suctions his neck, and almost at the verge of passing out, Link pretends he's a lonely centipede bought at the store.


	20. Belching Ridiculously: Link

**FIVE MINUTES OF BELCHING RIDICULOUSLY**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Link goes back seven years by sound_.

_The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

BURUPPPP!

Link feels like he's melting in the sweltering, suffocating heat inside that cursed temple of fire, and yet he's much younger at that sound. He almost makes himself throw up when he doubles over against the wall in laughter. Keeping a close eye on the source of the ridiculous belching noise (a damned volcano torch slug), he allows himself this bit of enjoyment.

BURUPPPP!

The torching volcano monster rounds the corner at a moderate pace towards Link, and at once he is forced to compose himself to deal with this ridiculous belching threat. Laughter won't quit beneath his breath, though, as he wields his sword in the monster's general direction. He tries not to think of its belches which he knows will subsequently make himself laugh to the point of perhaps getting himself killed by this thing, but it's a failed effort.

When he prods it with his sword, the volcano monster makes an odd squelching noise, and he is ten again.


	21. Tits or GTFO: Beth, Malo, Talo, & Colin

**FIVE MINUTES OF TITS OR GTFO**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Girls can't join boy clubs.  
_

_The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

"This is sexist! SEXIST!" Beth nearly wailed in frustration with her hands balled at her sides. "You can't have a 'boys only' club! I'm telling!"

Talo crossed his arms. "We can, too! You and Ilia have a little club, and so do we!"

"What? What are you talking about? We do not have a club!"

Malo squinted his already beady eyes. "You two talk to each other."

"That's talking! TALKING! TALKING IS NOT A CLUB!"

"Either way, you're not joining ours!"

Colin looked worried and finally spoke out. "Guys...why can't Beth join?"

"Because she is of the female persuasion and I do believe this is a XY-chromosome club," Malo answered.

Talo raised his brow. "What the hell'd you just say?"

Sighing, Malo rolled his eyes. "'Cause she's a girl, and girls can't be in a boys only club."

Colin continued to look worried. "What's the difference?"

"Between boys and girls?"

"Yeah."

Beth scoffed. "Boys are stupid, and girls aren't."

"We also have penises!" Talo offered brightly.

"And girls," Malo finished, "have tits."

"T-ti...hey!" Beth said angrily, "what do you guys know about those anyway?!"

Colin shrugged while Talo scratched his head. "I don't know, they're like...moms have them...or something."

"They rock," came Malo's answer.

"So...if tits rock, why can't Beth join our club?" Colin said with great hesitation, not even knowing what exactly he was asking.

Malo scratched his chin. "Good point. Beth, show us your tits or you can't be in our club."

"WHAT?" Beth nearly screeched as her face turned an embarrassed and angry red. Fortunately she spied Link coming around the corner. "LINK! Help me please! The boys are saying I can't join their club unless I flash them!"

Colin looked confused. "That's not what we..."

"You know," Link began with a strange look on his face, "I don't think you have any yet..."

"Oh," Talo murmured, downtrodden.

"So," Colin began cheerfully, "this means Beth can join our club then, right? Because girls have tits and Beth doesn't have any."

"Well fuck that," Malo murmured, "This club sucks; I'm leaving."

Link sighed and covered his face, hoping he wouldn't hear more of this story later from one of the parents...


	22. Uneventful: PH SPOILERS Jolene&Linebeck

**FIVE UNEVENTFUL MINUTES**  
by an awesome blossom  
_The last five minutes they share are uneventful._

**JOLENE AND LINEBECK SPOILERS AHEAD? so don't read if you haven't gotten a certain sword yet!** _The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

In the first of the last five minutes they spent together, Jolene sharpened her sword while Linebeck leaned against the wall watching. 

In the second of these last five minutes, Jolene almost nicked part of her finger but didn't; Linebeck didn't even notice, though.

In the third of five last minutes, Jolene finished sharpening her sword and decided to shine it; Linebeck almost offered to help.

In the fourth minute, Jolene's lips parted to make small talk, but Linebeck coughed and fumbled with lighting a cigarette which threw her out of alignment; so she stayed silent.

In the fifth of the last five minutes they spent together, Jolene set the sword aside to concentrate on talking with Linebeck, but he was gone.


	23. Upsidedown: Link

**FIVE MINUTES OF being UPSIDEDOWN**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Link was ten, but he is seventeen now._

_The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

The world makes perfect sense, and he loves it.

He's a little newborn to the world beyond the comforting mother-trees of the forest, and he knows this despite being ten-years-old. Ten-year-olds aren't newborns, but he is and it makes sense to him. Fresh from the mother-tree womb. And that's okay.

His departed father who art in heaven told him to visit the Princess of Destiny, and so he does despite not knowing what a Princess is or that thing called Destiny. They sound pretty so he dodges bored guards just to see her. Just to see HER!

And he does and falls in love.

He was ten then.

He is seventeen now.

No longer does he feel he is in love, and he doesn't know what he'll do if he sees her again.

He doesn't have to dodge any bored guards because the guards don't exist - only the rotting dead take their place in patrol. And thanks to them (this whole crazy WORLD) he knows what the Princess of Destiny is. And what an ugly combination of words that is. His reborn father who grew from the ground tells him that he is adopted.

That's not okay. He goes back into the mother-forest in an unbirthing process, no longer a newborn but still a ten-year-old. He's a ten-year-old who's a seventeen-year-old, and Farore help him if that makes sense. The mother-forest is no longer comforting, full of viscious monsters with wicked teeth, and he thinks he is bigger and older than his faux siblings in hiding. But he doesn't know that he is still younger despite looking older.

The world doesn't make any sense, and he hates it.


	24. Heart on a Chain: Link & Midna

**FIVE MINUTES OF HEARTS ON A CHAIN**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Ball and chain, fuck yeah!_

Based off a true story, haha ;D _The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_ is property of Nintendo, and "Heart on a Chain" is a GoGoGo Airheart song.

* * *

Pew pew! 

"Link!" Midna called out nervously as yet another arrow narrowly grazed Link - this time his neck. "Link, you've got to do something about those archers on the towers!"

Link growled and swatted away a few more Bulbins. "Hold on! I'll get to them."

And then a bird swooped down to snatch up Midna, not realizing she was a shadow and couldn't be snatched.

It was then that Link took around at his surroundings in the Castle's infested courtyard and realized that he was going to die. "Midna," he reiterated, "I'm going to die."

She huffed and dodged another bird. "Well if you're going to die, at least do it awesomely! And just standing there isn't awesome!"

So Link did the next most awesome thing he could think of: he took out the ball and chain.

"What the hell, Link?" Midna asked as she caught sight of the weapon she had affectionately renamed as 'Ilia'. "There's no ice around! What good is that going to do?"

"I don't know," Link said as he began to swing the ball around, "but let's find out!"

And he swung. He swung, man, he swung. He swung like a swinging that had never swung before because it was a word in present tense.

The Bulbins advanced upon him, and Link just kept swinging.

Pow pow!

Flying from the impact of stupidly being hit by the swinging ball and chain, the Bulbins died. And so did the bird that flew into it, thinking it was a good thing to eat.

Midna hovered from a distance, amazed. "Link! Link! Keep on swinging!"

What Bulbins there were that were left crashed into the weapon of mass destruction, and they, too, died.

"Link, you killed all the Bulbins and birds! Now just get on the boar and crash the tower so the archers are taken care of..."

"No!" Link shouted as he started to walk towards the archers. "No, I'm going down in style!"

"B-But Link, you've practically won!"

"NO, MIDNA, NO," Link shouted again.

Midna sighed in frustration. "Well at least put Ilia away so you can dodge those arrows!"

And at her words the archers began to shoot their flaming sticks.

Pew pew!

But something amazing happened.

Ping ping!

The arrows hit the swinging amnesiac girl and bounced off.

At once Link knew he was invincible. He tore towards the tower and MOWED. THAT. FUCKER. DOWN.

Midna was absolutely speechless as Link looked around at all his handiwork: a courtyard in ruins.

"Ball and chain, fuck yeah!"


	25. Particle Man: Rauru

**FIVE MINUTES OF PARTICLE MAN**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Rauru is a superhero, bitches._

Weirdass and probably inaccurate applications of differing quantum mechanical theories and theories of light. _The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time_ is property of Nintendo, and "Particle Man" is a song by They Might Be Giants.

* * *

Rauru is a spirit, but he doesn't like to think of it as that way. 

He spends all of his days (which last forever and for all eternity) guarding the comatose body of the future Hero of Time. Three years have elapsed and he has four more to go, though they just feel like hours to him.

He is the Sage of Light, and he's supposed to be wise but he knows that he hardly knows a thing. After all, what is HE as a spirit of light?

But first he must figure out if light is a particle or a wave. It's been a question plaguing him since the beginning of when his memory starts. He would normally think that light is a wave since sound is a wave and both of them function relatively the same, but he also knows that light exhibits particle properties. Both Schrodinger wave equation and Feynman particle theory work in practice, so he is at an impass. Perhaps it is a particle-wave?

No, Rauru is a man who thinks of things in black and white terms. So he doesn't even want to think of such a union. So he thinks for four hours.

These four hours turn into four years, and the future Hero of Time will awaken sometime soon. He will save the kingdom just like a Christ-like superhero... And at once Rauru feels cheated in his destiny. He would like to be a superhero, too, if only to pass the time.

It is then that he comes to a conclusion: he hates cats, so Schrodinger and his cat have to go. And with Schrodinger's absence, Feynman and his clan rule the sacred realm, leaving Rauru free to transform into his superhero alter-ego:

Particle Man.


	26. Philanthropy: Link & Beth

**FIVE MINUTES OF PHILANTHROPY**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Beth doesn't have a home._

A continuation of "6. Whore: Link & Beth". _The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

"Go home." 

Beth stared at him blankly before she simply shrugged. "A house with a mother that is always out running a business and a father that is an idle drunkard is hardly a home. So I don't have one."

Link shook his head and grasped her hand, noticing how her painted nails shimmered in the moonlight. "You can't mean that, Beth. Sera and Haunch do love and care about you."

To this Beth only smiled. "Oh? Then why is it that they haven't noticed I've been gone for over a month?"

His mouth parted dumbly in shock, and the overpowering fragrance of a little girl who wore shoes that were two sizes two big wafted in, causing him to nearly retch. "Then...come with me. Come home with me, Beth." Link came more to his senses and gripped her other hand more adamantly. "I won't let you stay on the streets where any lecher could easily take advantage of you!"

Again, she shrugged. "Will you pay me?"

"W-what?"

"Will you pay me? I need the money."

Link stared at her further until his shock waned, and he finally composed himself. "Come on," he tugged her hand as he ignored her question, and they left the back alley for a safer haven.


	27. Nice Fridge: AU Link & Telma

**FIVE MINUTES OF NICE FRIDGES**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Link appraises Telma's fridge._

AU. "Nice fridge" was something D'Artagnan's father said in his sleep, so it became our prompt. _The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

"Nice fridge," Link conversationally as he inspected the innards of the giant icebox, "but your rack is even better."

Telma's lips parted in shock as she stared at the man whose head was still halfway in the fridge. Did he seriously... She wasn't offended because damn her rack was awesome, but it was surprising nonetheless to hear something so bold come from such a nice, quiet young man.

"It looks like he can hold a lot."

"As much as any," she shrugged, feeling relieved yet irked that he still had his head in the fridge.

Finally, he came out. "I'm a broke college student, so I can't offer much...but how is two-hundred rupees?"

She nodded.

---

Later that night as Telma counted her rupees and blessings, she looked at her refrigerator and wished Link had bought that as well.


	28. Triple Black: AU Linebeck & Link

**FIVE MINUTES OF TRIPLE BLACK**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Linebeck's a stupid flower._

AU, and obviously I don't advocate hanging out in refrigerators or drinking and driving. _The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

Somewhat rushed, Linebeck opened up the refrigerator in his lonely little apartment and meant to grab a beer but instead he grabbed a head. 

"Hey, hey," Link protested with a cheerful scowl, "close the door! ...The light goes out. It's cool."

Linebeck winced at the unintentional pun and simply shook his head. "What the hell are you doing in my fridge, kid?"

"Close the door!" Link ignored him (as always). "I want to see the light go out."

Rolling his eyes, he closed the door and left it shut until he heard little mumblings from inside.

"Now it's back on," Link observed after Linebeck opened the door again. "See? The light? It's back on."

Linebeck sighed. "Just hand me a beer, will you?"

"You only have Smirnoff Triple Black," the boy remarked. "Pansy! What happened to all the hard liquor you drink?"

"It was never in the fridge. That shit's in the cupboard. Anyway, the Smirnoff is Jolene's but give me one anyway."

Link gave him a look. "Why don't you just get some of that liquor you have instead?"

"Because I'm on my way to a job interview and I need something for the road."

Again, there was that look and a lengthy period of silence that followed. Finally Link sighed, "You're going to get arrested and not get the job. Then Jolene will just bitch about you again next time she puts away groceries."

"Yeah-just-hand-me-the-beer."


	29. Man Boobs: Tingle & Link

**FIVE MINUTES OF MAN-BOOBS**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Introducing the Fairy Diva..._

_The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

_Bright lights, a sparkling sensation, this was the famous diva back from vacation!_

Master Tingle strutted down the catwalk, his rupee boa flitting back and forth like a flirtatious serpent, each step deliberate and carefully planned. The cellulite on his thighs and his gratuitous man-boobs jiggled in time to the pumping techno music blaring from the corners of Link's repressed imagination.

The famous Terminian diva stopped on the catwalk right in front of Link's moon-filled eyes as the hapless boy looked up (the image of famous, divian crotch filling up his visual senses). Sultrily Tingle's voice swirled from his lips like a puff of smoke and he asked, "Want to buy a map, sir?"

With a tongue of cotton and novocaine, Link could only nod dumbly as Tingle shoved his crotch in the boy's face...


	30. Wax: Rosa Sisters

**FIVE MINUTES OF WAX**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Poetry in motion._

_The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

Wax on, wax off. That was the mantra. The mantra, yeah. Slide to the left. Slide to the right. 

Wax on.

Wax off.

The mantra.

With only the flickering light of the street-side torch to guide them, the Rosa Sisters set out to create poetry in motion, inspired by the moonlit ghost of a mentor long past. That boy, that strange, strange boy who would burst into their rooms at all hours of the day and smell Gorman's underpants! But he was filled with the moon. Filled with the unwavering, everlasting love for the poetic motions of the body in dance. In the moonlight, he was alright.

Inspired, the Rosa Sisters bent forward, straight-laced, and put their noses to the dusty ground in a bold act of poetic license and interpretation.

The guard looked on in interest.


	31. Dig: Link, Ciela, & Linebeck

**FIVE MINUTES OF DIG**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Dig?_

**Spoilers for an uncharted minigame isle.** _The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

"Why do you have to stop with just ten treasures?" Linebeck asked, lounging on the deck of the S.S.HisName with a bottle of whisky and a shot glass nearby. 

The boy shrugged while Ciela flew around in agitation. "Because the statue _said _to stop at ten! There are consequences if you don't, you know! So you can't dig past ten!"

Waving his hand dismissively, Linebeck pshawed. "If you can't dig it, you ain't got no shovel!"

"But...but we DO have a shovel..." Ciela murmured as Link took it out and regarded the item curiously.

"**Then dig it!**" Linebeck bellowed as he rose to his feet and sent the two children scuffling across the deck, startled. "_**Dig?**_"

Like the two treasure dogs the captain made them out to be, Link and Ciela nodded stiffly and darted off the boat to further avoid Linebeck's ire.

However, they would be back sometime later with an angrily written invoice from Link demanding compensation for monetary losses from the Harrow Island Gaming Board.


	32. Fornicating Spiders: Armogohma

**FIVE MINUTES OF FORNICATING SPIDERS**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Motherhood is the most mixed blessing of all._

Thank you Rebbacus for the, uh, prompt. _The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

She was young when it happened, when she got the initial, terrifying news. The words that few single females want to hear:

"You're pregnant, ma'am."

After a bit of trembling in her legs, she finally had the courage to ask: "How many?"

"Thousands."

For each baby she was expected to carry, she wept an hour. However, her tears had dried up long before that, and her heart with no liquid to turn it to mush hardened. She, a single mother-to-be, grew strong, and soon she no longer cared that she was single and alone.

No longer would she be solitary - no, she would have her many children to love and take care of. And the thought lifted her spirits until the fateful day when she gave birth.

Armogohma was a mother.


	33. Lap Dance: Jolene & Linebeck

**FIVE MINUTES OF LAP DANCES (SEE: REVOLUTION-EVOLUTION-LOVE)**  
by an awesome blossom  
_The origins lie in a drunken night aboard a vessel at sea for far too long..._

Jolene/Linebeck. _The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

- S (seduction)  
- W (wild, the thoughts were driving him)  
- I (everything else)  
- V (vava-voom)  
- E (ecstacy, the drugfeeling)  
- L (him and all the things they were not in but were). 

SWIVEL: a woman in revolution; the act of her hips gyrating in accordance to imaginary wavelength throbbings in the very-near(closercloserplease) vicinity of the center of his perceived instrument of power; a lap dance; see also: her hair like the night toss and turn as her back arched with her legs-frogged before closing abruptly. Synonyms: bear-trap (closingaroundhispenis,pleasebitetoabloodynub).

The origins lie in a drunken night aboard a vessel at sea for far too long, resulting in a semblance of cabin fever (re: crazycrazycrazed-thoughts of vicious-seapilferer who had no difficulty in cutting off the "y" - see: anatomical disfigurement - on a bad day) taking hold of two sailors: a one, Mr. Linebeck (refer to "L" and all the things they were not) of the boat-no-longer (see: CRASSSH!) and the heroism-never-was, and a one Ms. Jolene (refer to "vicious-seapilferer" and I'm-begging-of-you-please) of the life-that-almost-wasn't (see: attack of the below-sea counterpart) and the romance-that-was-there-all-along.

The product of a drunken night and a semblance of cabin fever was the life-advent of SWIVEL: a verb to be used in a lap (finallytouchingtouchingtouchinggod-inheaven); see also: foreplay.


	34. Killer Queen: Midna

**FIVE MINUTES OF KILLER QUEENS**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Between Princess and Ruler of Your Ass, there exists a fragile, glass ceiling. _

Originally #7 in the deviation series ("Killer Queen" by Queen, 3:13), it was later expanded slightly and lingered upon. _The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

If there's one thing Midna cannot stand is to see something higher than her. She is tall, beautiful, sexy, and she will not idly stand by like her ancestors did when someone unworthy gets what SHE rightfully should have. ...Which is why she ultimately fell in love with the Princess of Daytime: because they were the same. They were WOMEN with nothing but the sky standing in their way. 

And the sky, the sky, the damned sky. She knows of a world beyond that sky, and it pisses her off so much that she often resorts to artificial means to rise above it. But in the end it never helps.

It puzzles her that she was unable to fall in love with Zant as she did Zelda (and she realizes how much she wants to sleep, but she can't), and she relays her confusion to both the princess and hero of daytime once everything was said and done. But she quickly realizes afterwards that they, too, are her artificial means; they would never help and or understand.

At the time to say goodbye to the daylight, Midna realizes how utterly singular she is, and she sheds (her skin) one last tear for the courage she always knew she lacked behind those arsenic-laced words, the woman horrifically content with being so (charading as one who was not).

And so she breaks through the glass and steals the crown.


	35. HeartShaped Box: Link & Viscen

**FIVE MINUTES OF HEART-SHAPED BOXES**  
by an awesome blossom  
_He lost his mind to one of the cycles seventy-thousand years back in the future of today.  
_

Link & Viscen. Originally a FMO deviation ("Heart-Shaped Box" by Nirvana; 4:39), but I lingered upon and added to it. _The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

A warbled voice from off somewhere to the left of yesterday evening slipped under the door and manifested itself as a galactic space-warrior saying, "What are you doing?" 

And Gods, didn't he know? He was from his hometown aboard the starry, sundowning courtyard, wasn't he? Link could have sworn he saw him before.

"I'm cutting out my heart," the boy-man-boy-shit shrugged and dug the tip of his life into his corporeal flesh a little further so that it could feast, "and giving it to the Goddesses so this can all end; I'm an old man, and I need to die so my brother can be born yesterday."

The galactic space-warrior swore heavily under his breath as he sprouted wings and flew angrily towards the boy-man-boy-shit fully intent on tearing his flesh from his life and consuming it himself, but Link was quicker than that and dodged.

Except for the part where the space-warrior slipped through the time-stream and became tomorrow's incarnation of a lovely captain of the guard named Viscen (though he would only tell him his name two decades from that moment) who tore his life from him in a totally non-painful manner and held it close to his own protective heart; it made Link smile.

"Are you fucking CRAZY?!" Viscen yelled, and the boy-man-boy-shit dove into the panic manifesting itself wildly as a mechanical bull on speed. But no worries: he came out some several hundred-years later.

"Yes," Link answered.

And Viscen believed him.


	36. What Happened To My Rock 'n Roll?: Lulu

**FMO MEME DEVIATION: **WHATEVER HAPPENED TO MY ROCK AND ROLL (PUNK SONG)  
by an awesome blossom  
_ Whatever happened to our rock 'n roll?  
_

Selected results from a drabbling meme passing around on Livejournal. Rule 1: pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like; Rule 2: turn on your music player and put it on random/shuffle; Rule 3: write a drabble related to each song that plays (you only have the time frame of the song to finish the drabble); and Rule 4: do ten of these.

Song: "Whatever Happened To My Rock and Roll (Punk Song)" by the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club  
Time: 4:38

Lulu. _The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

Lulu doesn't know what to tell her babies when they grow up. Should she relay the truth behind the tall tales she is sure Evan, Japas, and Tijo will speak of in fond recollection? Or should she tell stories of the side of their father only she knew? Or maybe she should let them know nothing at all of their father. 

She doesn't know where he is, Mikau that is. If he's dead or alive...absolutely nothing. Last time she saw him was after he had all but flew to the dreaded pirate fortress in search of her babies. In the end she received eggs but no father; and he showed up one final time to deliver a mind-blowing show before disappearing forever.

In the end, when they're old enough, Lulu says nothing but instead plays old records of the famed Indigo-Gos all through the night.


	37. Shut the Fuck Up: Ganondorf & Link

**FMO MEME DEVIATION: **SHUT THE FUCK UP  
by an awesome blossom  
_ Heads of state who ride and wrangle who look at your face from more than one angle can cut you from their bloated budgets like sharpened knives through chicken McNuggets._

Selected results from a drabbling meme passing around on Livejournal. Rule 1: pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like; Rule 2: turn on your music player and put it on random/shuffle; Rule 3: write a drabble related to each song that plays (you only have the time frame of the song to finish the drabble); and Rule 4: do ten of these.

Song: "Shut the Fuck Up" by CAKE  
Time: 3:59

Ganondorf & Link. _The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

"Shut," Ganondorf begins in one lifetime as he spirals to the Sacred Realm from the force of the Rainbow Sage Club. 

"The," he continues as he struggles to break free from chains binding him to the Twilight Realm.

"Fuck," he swears in another time as a little boy skull-fucks him with a blade of divine glory.

"Up," he finishes when the boy turned to teen who is the same but not runs him through with a shining sword.

Link makes a face at the King of Evil's last word as he stands motionless on the plains. And he has to ask, "What the hell is 'up'?"

"Not much, you?" Ganondorf says and dies.


	38. Prod: ReDead Tingle & Rupee LikeLike

**FIVE MINUTES OF PRODDING**  
by an awesome blossom  
_There is a wish for humanity that grows and grows with each day..._

For some Prince of Pain(?) dude who suggested I do "prod", and for Paul Nolan who is just win. _The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

In the hole beneath the sun, beneath the ocean, beneath the earth, there is a wish for humanity that grows and grows with each day - counting from the first day to two day to to-day and tomorrow, too. This wish resonates so brightly within the dark recesses of the abyss, and it is there that it finds the frequency necessary for true love to ensue. 

growing growling growl: KOO  
squiggle squiggle squirm: LOO  
tingle tangle tungle: LIM  
out and around again  
: PAH :!!!

And it shines so brightly! A FAKE! A FALSE GOD! But that is alright for it is beautiful, prodding gently upon reality. Look at that! Green, red, blue, purple, silver? Which is it! What can it be!

KOO  
LOO  
LIM  
PAH  
!!!

They fell in love, ReDead!Tingle and Rupee!Like-Like, and humanity's wish went unanswered:

_Pleasepleasepleasepleaselettherebeagod._


	39. About Goddamn Time: Tetra & Jolene

**FIVE MINUTES OF BEING ABOUT GODDAMN TIME**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Tetra and Cremia are in a happy relationship until Cremia suddenly runs off with Zelda. Tetra, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Viscen and a brief, unhappy affair with Nabooru, then follows the wise advice of Purlo and finds true love with Jolene. _

The summary was part of a meme where you assign twelve characters numbers, and then there are questions about how the numbered characters react. This, question twenty-three, was the most involved question and ultimately asked what I would title this story. "It's About Goddamn Time" I wrote, and then I decided to actually write a short, short version of it. Because seriously, the world needs more (adult)Tetra/Jolene. The Legend of Zelda series is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

**LATE AFTERNOON, A NOTE:**  
- _"gone to shag your twin zellie; be back never"_ -  
Tetra breaks all the happy, smiling pictures of she and Cremia (which are all there ever were for a happy couple) and curls up into a ball; she bleeds.

**LATE EVENING, A MOVEMENT:**  
- _bump bump grind thrust infiltration_ -  
Tetra goes back home after a one-night stand with the friendly guard called 'Viscen' (she thought) and feels miserable all over once again because she's still a broken-hearted lesbo; she cries.

**LATE NIGHT, A THOUGHT:**  
- _hot woman hot hot woman_ -  
Tetra bids a reluctant goodbye to a sexy woman she met, and her soul feels strangely depleted because Nabooru was not eternal; she longs.

**LATE MORNING, A FRIEND:**  
- _"go for the one with treasure"_ -  
Tetra scowls at her bee-eff-eff Purlo and wonders what the fuck he's talking about, but perhaps if she seeks out material gain she'll find the woman she wants; she looks.

**LATE AFTERNOON, A SOUND:**  
- _ka-ching!_ -  
Tetra answers ("Would you like to sell with me?") yes and watches a beautiful businesswoman named Jolene toss her resume aside with a sexy grin; they love.


	40. Roots: Link & King of Red Lions

**under which to witness, youth is buried**  
by an awesome blossom  
_A perfect day it would be when the wind settled down for an eternal nap!_

Prompt was a quote by William Carlos Williams: "_My surface is myself_ / _under which to witness, youth is buried. Roots?_ / _Everybody has roots._" _The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

To that which stood tall against the wind, he was no one of importance; to that which shifted and shivered at even the slightest of breezes, he was a menace. The palm trees paid the Wind Waker no mind while their coconuts cursed the little boy and aimed for his blond mop when they fell.

He dodged them as he dodged anything else: not very well. The Waker of Winds, the Legendary Sea Hero In the Making, was a pock-marked boy with a collection of scars and a permanent limp to show for his efforts.

"You'd do well to buy a helmet off the submarine scavengers," the King of Red Lions advised with a chuckle as he watched a coconut narrowly miss the boy's noggin only to hit his ear.

Rubbing his ear as if to somehow confuse the pain into becoming the sensation of a caress, the hapless hero glared at the wooden boat (more akin to a canoe) yet said nothing in return. This was the usual non-response from the boy who hardly spoke a word. His boat had mused on many occasions that this was simply because the boy had been knocked around so many times that there was nothing of worth up inside there anymore; he was not shy about sharing this theory with the kid, either.

"It's a wonder you're still alive without it. Only a matter of time, then, until you come across the thing that will do you in, eh?" the King of Red Lions continued, and all around the sea, coconuts everywhere yearned for the honor of being that which would take down the Wind Waker.

A perfect day it would be when the wind settled down for an eternal nap!

But today was not that day, and in anger the boy picked up the fallen coconut, lobbing it at his sentient boat. It struck only water, and the King of Red Lions volleyed a hearty laugh in return.


	41. Super Massive Black Hole: Link&Linebeck

**SUPERMASSIVE BLACK HOLE**  
by an awesome blossom  
_Well...it could happen?_

_The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass_ is property of Nintendo and co.; _Kingdom Hearts_ is property of, uh, Square-Enix?

* * *

"Listen, Linebeck. I'm hearing some really weird noises. I honestly think I should check it out." 

"Are you sure, kid?" the captain asked hesitantly, and readied the preparations for Link's departure.

"Alright, Linebeck," Link nodded as he pried open his entrance. "Here I go!"

The Hero of Winds was sucked into the captain's anus, which was an interstellar warp hole, where he then proceeded to go on merry adventures with a kid called 'Sora' and his friends.


	42. Fool in the Rain: Link & Linebeck

**FIVE MINUTES OF A FOOL IN THE RAIN**  
_years after the fact_

I haven't written anything in, like, forever. _The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

"You know you'll catch a cold if you stand there any longer!" he, an arrogant and needlessly self-assured sailor, boomed pitifully at his soaked companion in the rain.

"I know," came the resolute reply.

"Are you stupid, boy?"

"Maybe."

Linebeck welcomed him in with open arms that cared not for wet nor dry, and they sat by the fire and made love in an incredibly depressing way. When the morning came, Link stayed - how could he not, after all, when he searched for so many years for the man of his phantom dreams? He was there.

But his money was not.


	43. The Star: Link & Ilia

**FIVE MINUTES OF STARS**  
_Unspoken hopes and dreams locked away within stars._

Requested by Ilia Hime. _The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

When he pressed a finger to the flat of her nose, she giggled, blushed, shook her head, (shook his world), and turned to the stars with nothing but the swirling breeze over their naked forms to think about.

"When," he began, "when I leave..."

Ilia closed her eyes, not understanding why he was ruining such a good moment by injecting the reality of tomorrow into it.

"When I leave...I want you to know that even though I'll be gone, I'm looking at the same sky as you. Maybe from a different part of the world. But it's the same sky."

"Same sky," she murmured and closed her eyes, not wanting her tears to mar her perfect vision of the stars before them.

Link held her tight and continued. "And I just want you to know that it's nothing to do with you, the reason I'm leaving. I just...I need to..."

She shook her head. "Be a good boy and shut up."

He did, and they let the stars do the talking for them.


	44. Far Off Places: Link & Purlo

**FIVE MINUTES OF SEEING YOU IN FAR OFF PLACES  
**_the day everything changed_

_The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

"I have to go," Purlo had said coldly one day, the day after they rebuilt the castle, the day before everything was gone. "Business is slow, and we have to move to different areas."

"I could come with you," Link had replied, trying not to display all of his emotions (though it was difficult because his eyes showed everything).

Purlo had shaken his head then. "Or you could stay here and play your pretty little hero part."

Link would have, but Purlo so changed his fate that he _couldn't_ after that. And so he had set out the day after everything was gone and never looked back.

(...He always saw _his _face in polished, green rupees - stealing and swindling them all just to see him again.)


	45. Leaves and Grass: Zelda & Ilia

**FIVE MINUTES OF TEA LEAVES AND WHISTLING GRASS  
**_in which Zelda longs and Ilia is_

_The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_ is property of Nintendo and co.

* * *

Tea leaves and whistling grass - these were the gifts Ilia gave to the Princess of Hyrule upon her arrival. "They're not much," she admitted once in the Princess's chambers, "but they're important to me."

Zelda shook her head. "They are very good gifts and quite the welcoming departure from my normal haul of all the jewelry and garments that I never wanted to own. So thank you, my dearest friend. I shall read the tea leaves in my study come morning and play on the whistling grass in the garden come afternoon."

"Thank you, Princess Zelda. I hope your tea leaf reading goes well."

"As do I," the Princess nodded, and upon glancing at her friend's simple yet beautiful features, she wished she was in the position to say the words she really meant:

_Would you like to stay and read them with me?_


End file.
